No shoe nose picker!!

 Uhm.....I like to be comfortable too.....but not at the expense of a foot disease!!!  Some little kid is going to be dancing around in that chair wondering what all the toe jams are doing on the back of the seat....GROSS!

And speaking of GROSS.....the lady pictured below was just a diggin' for all she was worth!  Finger in nose - finger swirling around nose, flicking finger findings from nose on the floor!  Now the fat arm & green-ish shirt in this picture is ME......I'm gagging remembering the horrid event!  Dirty bus nose picker!!!  She didn't even care...I'm pretty sure I was staring right at her...just pick, pick, flick like it was nothing!!!!

Black Duct Tape

The gem posted above was quite the character!  Chains a'plenty, you can't really see but his wrist has so much chain-age I thought he may have just busted out from the klink!?  This beaut was listening to music & of course singing along (why wouldn't he be) and no painted nail, chain wearing, huge glasses hippy is complete w/out a roll of black duct tape.  I think he had an OCD w/the duct tape. He kept placing it on the rail, looking at it, taking it off, & repeating this exercise.  I think he must have gotten upset w/the said duct tape as he managed to scream F#CK! & slam the tape down on the seat next to him.  You've really got to watch out for duct tape, it'll double cross ya' if you're not careful!

Nice Hat

As I was walking to the bus stop this morn, passing all of the squished piles of dog shit, I decided to thank God.  Dear Lord, thank you so very much for not making me the person to start their day with poo on the shoe!  Amen!

I fear I may have been on someone's bus blog on my ride home last night as I ran into an old friend (& it was his b-day) so of course we had to catch up.....our conversation wasn't rated "G"....owh well!?

I then moved on to the bus blog victim of the day (see below).  I was excited to get this "action shot" of "Poindexter" (i.e. dude in hat) explaining his mass amounts of knowledge to the boy next to him "boy trying to grow a stache" we'll call him.  I think they were both mathlete's....so I obviously hadn't a clue what the hell they were saying!

Style & True Love w/some fake hair

A woman taking up two seats (well her & her enormous bag) was having a lovely conversation.  I didn't get any names, so the lady on the bus talking on the phone will be refereed to as "yellow sock" (see picture below).

"Yellow sock" to lucky caller: "I got chu sum herr!  Yeah it's fo' the back yo' head.  I got a bunch of it & I cut some so I can't take it back.  So I gotchu a piece, you don't need much!"

Then yellow sock & lucky hair caller continued their conversation about a mutual friend, we'll call the friend "poor". 

"Yellow sock" talking to lucky hair caller regarding their friend "poor":  "yeah she got it rough, she don't know!  You know she from Washington DC, where the government is.  You give your social security number there and there ain't no way to hide! She be tryin' to network here but she say that cost MONEY!  You gotta have a car, money ta' do thangs mhhh hmm!"

*I'm glad the "government" in its entirety has been located....it was beginning to feel like "Where's Waldo", fear not - you can get all of your answers on the bus!

I couldn't capture the LONG turquoise finger nails that "Yellow Sock" had....it really set the whole outfit though!

I urge you to look closely at the yellow shoe above.

Now I move on to the late comers of my ride!  I SO wish I could have captured the actual "smile" of rotten tooth (really, tooth - not teeth)!!!  Its hard to find true love these days.....especially when you're carrying a discman from 1994 & you're snuggled up to a tooth rotting, red burn mark on the forehead "man-wonder" like this one! 

I almost missed my stop trying to catch the "tooth smile".....ahh but fear not, I made it to work just as late as all of the other days!



Reunion

Today a lady w/bleached hair spotted her friend across the way (the friend had blond hair....but it was natural - not yellow bleach).  It was great catching up?!  "Real" blond's partner Eddy passed away a few weeks ago.  Bleach "blonde" "WHO?" (they're close friends, I could tell).  Bleach "blonde" : How'd he die?  "Real" blond: "*sniffling* he went to the doctor 3 days ago & they sent him home, said nothing was wrong.  He went home & died, had reeenul failure, he had cancer, diabetes..." she mumbled some other illnesses that I couldn't make out (she was sitting right next to me)!  "Real blond" was on her way to hang posters for Eddy's memorial....you know its on Johnson....that purple building.  Mhh, I hope I have posters & flyers for my memorial/funeral from two weeks or 3 days ago!?  Yellow bleach blond was on her way to the public defenders office (that ended all questions & conversations about her)!

Ahh to be "of size" the poor schmuck next to me was NOT pleased that I slapped my fat ass down next to him!  He kept scooching over & the second another seat (not by a fat person) opened up he jumped on over!  Since he still had on his bike helmet I thought it might be safe to sit next to him!?  Ahh the look of fear on each passenger's face as I walk down the aisle to choose my seat!

Nap time!?

There was a guy (taking up two seats) SNORING his head off today!  It wasn't just a little noddy-off-ski he was all out SNORING!  W/snorts & everything.  No one (except me) seemed to even notice!?!?  I fear if I keep riding the bus all of this is going to seem "normal" to me too....YIKES!!!

There was certainly a lot of fashion on the bus today!  These shoes are out of control!!  I know I have zero fashion sense.....but pick a pattern already!!!

I'm not sure if you can really see the pattern on these worn out, thin white pants (below) - but it was quite the testicle, I mean spectacle!!  This guy also had a thick mustache to go with his "look" - the State Worker ID flung about his neck by a white string really set it all off!!  Of course there's a second shot of the confused shoe (in front of white pant) just for good measure!

He's back w/a longer thumb nail than ever!

I really wish i could have gotten a pic of the LOOONNNNG thumb nail, but no such luck.  This wandering stinker was "featured" a few blog entries ago.  Uhh and so the smell of spring begins!  Rotten B.O. mixed with stale fried food & God knows what else.  Speaking of food - Shaquita sat behind me today and talked about greens, spaghetti, garlic break, pork chops, etc. the ENTIRE bus ride to someone on her phone.  Now she can cook - she been try'n to cook so she can go grocery shoppin' uh-huh!  Don't chu got no food for her?  She need a WHOLE MEAL.  It was really getting painful...all the talk of food, I would have thought I'd get turned on or excited, but that just was not the case today!

Bulk items

I get it....you don't have a car, shopping is probably a big pain (make friends w/someone who has a drive-able car, not me, but someone - just sayin').  I really do think that there should be certain or "special" seating for passengers with the honkin' 24 roll/pack toilet paper!  Everybody poops, I get it....but why does that mean I have to stand on the bus while giant TP gets a seat....or my leg room??  I mean they're going to be sitting when using said toilet paper!

Enough Said.....

I really think the picture says it all......

Huh?

I was "greeted" at the bus stop by a saggy pant wearing kid who picks his face (should have picked a different one).  This fool was looking for the bus like he had never seen one before!?  Then when it was in eye sight he nearly jumped up & down (as though he was a 2 year old seeing a plane in the sky for the first time).  He then told the other two guys tyring to light cigarettes that the bus was comin'!

I didn't see the guy behind me, but he kept randomly yelling out WHAT!?  WHAT!?  It was odd to say the least.  THEN the man in front of me started scrambling out some sort of "words" budadak hahahahah yeah!  I don't know if they were communicating or both just had something to say!? WHAT!?

The lady who sat across from the word scrambler just gave him a mean look.....well that or it was just the way her face is.  WHAT!?  She had an interesting hair don't - all of her hair was flipped to one side coming out of the hat she had on...again only on one side!?

More beard than face!

Today a man walked onto the bus & I noticed that he had a lot more beard than he did face.....it was a bit much for me pre-coffee!!

Across from beard sat a young boy, who I'm pretty sure - parent's named "Epic Fail" on his birth certificate.  This poor thing was all kinds of wrong!  What is with the wings on pants & sweatshirts?  Maybe I'm the odd gal out & need to update my wardrobe!?  (Who am I kidding, I need to do that w/or w/out wings.....now I sound like a pad commercial....neat!) Back to epic fail....he had his earphones in & his phone/iPod & held the thing 3 inches from his face, messed up hair which he kept tousling like he was Justin frickin' Beiber, and then to top it off, he began to talk to himself, hot.

What's with all the people running this morning??  No one is chasing them, I don't see a buffet in sight, what's all the running for....in shorts no less!?!  It's 19 degrees!?  Meanwhile I can't seem to pin-point my own obesity!?

"Forrest Gump" pants

Again, my picture isn't great.....but I have to wonder if this guy's name is Forrest!? The "design" on the back of the pants that you can hopefully see....wings, yes wings "Dear Gawd, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here!  He can really put an outfit together, the hoodie he's sporting happens to have cupid's (that's the "pattern" you might be able to make out)!

Steven James???

A stunning man who kept dropping his hard plastic bus pass was sporting a hard white brief case around his neck (not to the side like a shoulder strap.....around his neck).  He was looking for KFC.....& asked a fellow passenger where it was as we literally drove right passed it!

This poor....20-something year old was attempting to flirt w/a gal across from him.  Epic fail.  He had the nose piercing (like a bull, I can't remember the name of it).  Some folks can really pull that look off, this dude, NOT one of them!  So the gal pulls the bell & gets up to leave & bull-dork says to her "Why are you getting off?" girl: "owh I live here *nervous laugh*!" bull-dork: "weird" So yeah, good thing that was awkward for everyone around!?

Next comes clambering in a guy (it was a question at first...male or female) that looked like an awful combination of Steven Tyler & Rick James.  I would have loved to provide you a visual....just wasn't possible today = (  It was out of control how much this guy really looked like someone took Rick James & Steven Tyler, put them in a blender & mixed them up using the setting “BAD”….should have gone w/puree I guess!?

WOW!

As I approached my bus stop this morning I saw a man & a woman who I immediately knew would be great specimens for the bus blog!  When I got to the bus stop they moved away from me.  Well the man got up off the bench to later sit down at the opposite side.  They were both sporting those puffy jackets.  The man pretended to use the lady as a punching bag & a few minutes later they began to make out.  Uhm yeah....I know a good bus stop always puts me in the mood after a man fake punches me!

Now, I'm really trying to get interactive & took my first picture today!  I'm an amateur, so sorry it’s blurry.  I aim to entertain, but I'm not going to get a "9" pulled on me & have someone bust a cap in my ass.
This man was truly the entertainment this morn (thank God b/c aside from puffy coats the only other thing to report was the shit seat everyone - myself included kept avoiding in front of me)!  I realize that the pic isn't the greatest, but I encourage you to focus on what he's holding in his hand w/the super long thumb nail.  It would be his bus pass along with quite a few bills, not just $1's!  Well you know this hot mess drops all of the papers he's holding (not the money)....which end up being SIX bus ride guides!!  When he finally gets them picked up he looks at the "paper work" like "what in the hell are these & when did I get them??"  Out of the mess he spilled on the floor the little package of Goldfish seemed to be the only familiar thing in the bundle!  I’m glad it’s cold out b/c I fear this man would have otherwise came with an odor that would have made me sick!

Nothing much...

Today I learned that Ydadia been goin' to skoo'......yeah, don't you know?  Night skoo, mhh hhh!

There was a young lad that spent his ride standing up by the bus driver....chatting it up.  The lad seemed genuinely interested in the bus driver's life.  This would be my favorite bus driver, the one who told the passenger on the snowiest day of WI this year that he's got to be about as dumb as they come (the guy had just put his bike on the bus bike rack)!!  Back to the young lad loving the bus driver.....I wonder if this is the guy that gets drunk & tells everyone that the bus driver LOVES him & goes on & on about it like it's the greatest thing ever....while the people listening can't wait until he shuts up!?

The guy in front of me seemed to have some sort of "turning tick".  Every time he turned his head, he seemed to have to first really agree w/something.  Initially I thought he had head phones on & caught the beat.  There were no head phones.

PATCHOULI

O to the M to the G!!!  As I got on the bus to go home today there was this granola/goth mess sitting in front of me slathering herself in Patchouli oil!!! She was quite liberal with the patchouli application!  I don't even know if I'm typing correctly b/c I started tearing up it was so strong! She perched her big black honkin' boots on the bench in front of her (that someone with white pants will no doubt sit on) bathing herself in patchouli!  I mean I don't smell this shit, I tasted it!  Whatever mother earth was listening to must have got her going....I get it, I bob my head to my music, but she was really getting into it....some deep shoulder action.  Which ultimately just fluffed her patchouli scent all about once again!  I'd love to stay & chat but I've got to go lick my ass to try & get the patchouli taste out of my mouth!

PS - I don't like the smell of patchouli.

3-22-11 morning ride to work

Today's transportation to work was sponsored by Mr. Noddy-off-ski (he's going to have a neck ache when he wakes up & realizes he missed his bus stop), and the gentleman who had a "cough" that sounds like the lady from Mad TV (Nadine I think).  The gal who walks around going uhhh uhhh uhhh....I kinda of wanted to join in with him, but he wasn't joking uhhh uhh uhh-huh-uhhh!  Perhaps the sound could be compared to that of a fighter (trying to help you get the full effect).

I greatly enjoyed the young lad that exited the bus near the "Red Letter News" (porn shop) & nearly rad directly into the display case as he was gaucking at the scantily clad female manikan!  Then we continue to drive on to see "Mr. Liberty" waving on the street corner....advertising taxes inside the building behind him.  I did not wave back.  Next a man enters the bus with hair that LITERALLY looked like a skunk....it was slicked back....out of control!  Luckily my smelling senses aren't up to par (still getting over the flu) so I can't confirm or deny if he carried the scent as well as the look of a said skunk!

Two derelicts come running to the next stop & the bus driver actually waits for them!  They come storming into the bus looking like Stevie Wonder playing the piano, but with no piano and not so much as a grunt of thank you to the bus driver for waiting for them!

Before the drivers took a shade under a decade to switch out a gal with long wet hair sporting a track suit approached the bus driver to talk about the #4 bus....a lot of confusion & almost some tears.  The girl then said "owhh....I'll just sit here" The bus took off throwing her into the chair of the row behind her....I tried hard not to laugh at her (heaven only knows what she was packing in her matching backpack).

Little update

So sorry I have not provided any updates.  I was so sick w/the flu I did not ride the bus ONCE last week!!!  I'm back though, so no worries!  However this morning my husband gave me a ride to work, so I'll have to hope for an exciting ride home!

As we drove by my bus stop I did see a wonderful prospect for material on here.  She was one "pretty lady" dressed for spring?

Maybe I'll have something fun to report after work....the suspense is killing me.....I may just go hop on the bus now to see what I'm missing out on!

3-11-11 PM ride home

Nothing much to report from the ride home.  I sat next to a young girl that began recording the train going by (via her phone) as we were stuck before the tracks.  Mhh, not really sure why one would capture such a "memory".....but hey, I'm capturing my bus experience!

There was an interesting chic on the bus that I would like to refer to as two-tone.  I in fact call her two-tone b/c everything about her had two tones of color: each finger nail, RED & red coat, her hair....expect if you count her upper lip hair she'd be tri-tone (sorry....she need a waxin' like no one's business)!!

Aside from a bus driver with a giant MOLE on his head that kept letting his friend out of the bus to fart while we waited for the train to pass......that's all I have to report =)

3-11-11 morning ride

Today is the first day I actually busted out a notebook & took notes....the conversation between two ill educated "men" was just too funny!

Conversation between: Red Shirt & DumbA

Red Shirt: "Kids don't skip enough school!  That's where you learn everything & get your real life lessons!  How ya' gonna learn to prioritize if your in the same place everyday?"

DumbA: "yeah, i know"

DumbA: "Jon needs to start drinking again!  He was on the wagon for like 2, 7 years & now he'll drink sometimes, but never two days in a row, grr!"

Red Shirt: "Either be an alcoholic or not!"

DumbA: "Can you have open containers at the capitol?"

Red Shirt: "I'm not sure"

DumbA: "We need to find that out!  I'm not going all the way down there just to find out."
**Mind you the bus will go right by the capitol as I work on the square.

Red Shirt: "They don't need to know what's in the open container."

DumbA: "A guy I know went to a Green Bay Packer game & took binoculars, I mean fully functional binoculars & just turned it into a flask.  No one knew!"

Red Shirt: "Yep, just put a little in your coke & no one knows"

Red Shirt:: "did you hear about that earthquake?"

DumbA: "Yeah, only 60 or 100 people died."

Red Shirt: "yea, that's not bad!"

This concludes my ride to work on this fine morning.  WOW, am I enlightened....I had to tune some of this conversation out, as I thought I was losing brain cells....but I think I heard mention of Dungeons & Dragons if that helps you get a visual of today's "entertainers"!